The Newspaper for the Mid Cheshire Area

Wednesday, 20th April 2011


A container ship from Florida, bound for Liverpool Docks, perished in the Irish Sea last night. All crew were safely picked up by the Hoylake Lifeboat after sea and air rescue services attended the scene.  It appears that the containers contained pigs' ears and were bound for a secret destination in Mid-Cheshire, near Winsford.  It would seem that the containers were packed too tightly and the weight and imbalance caused the cargo to shift. The ship began to list as it approached Liverpool and sank within an hour. Recovery of the cargo has been ruled out, due to depth of the water and dangerous currents. Officials are also saying they are unable to locate any wreckage on their radar.

Sabotage has not been ruled out, as a posse of dogs were seen swimming in the water nearby, immediately after the ship floundered.  Mr Oz Terrier, who chartered the ship in Florida, was quoted as saying "I am devastated, the cargo was for my good friend Benson Husky, and I have not received payment yet for the ears on board and am not insured."  A certain Benson Husky was eventually tracked down, but was too heartbroken to make a statement.  However, we understand that he believes that this was a grudge sabotage sinking, ordered by the Doodle Mafia.  We were unable to locate any spokesman for the Doodle Mafia, but it is understood that members of their Ninja Section were reported seen heading northwards on the M6 yesterday afternoon.

Mr Oz Terrier

Mr Benson Husky

One of the observers on a rescue craft did manage to take a photograph of one of the dogs swimming nearby the stricken vessel. If you are able to identify this animal, please contact Cheshire Police, who are conducting an inquiry into the case, immediately.

Picture of one of the dogs seen swimming nearby

A reward of 500 pigs' ears has been offered by Oz Terrier for any information leading to the criminal conviction of those responsible for sinking his cargo!

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