The Newspaper for the Mid Cheshire Area
Friday, 22nd April 2011
PIGS' EARS GALORE!
In scenes reminiscent of the story Whisky Galore, dozens of rampaging Labradoodles have snatched thousands of pigs' ears washed ashore from the sunken container ship, reported earlier this week.
On beaches all around the Lancashire Coast, thousands of pigs' ears have been washed up over the past 24 hours and it seems that the waiting Labradoodles knew that they were coming and where to beachcomb.
A witness stated "Oodles of Doodles have invaded our beaches and are running amok and scoffing pigs' ears. It is a very dangerous situation!. My little Border Terrier was nearly eaten by one of them, who seemed to have a particular dislike for the breed."
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It has now been confirmed that members of the Ninja Squad of the Doodle Mafia were involved in the sinking of the container ship. It is thought that they were responsible for shifting the cargo, unlocking all of the containers and causing a hole in the ship's hull, prior to it sinking.
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Tests have shown that although pigs' ears do not float, they have a certain buoyancy at the bottom of the ocean and salt water would add to the buoyancy. Careful calculations on the positioning of the ship when it sank and prior research on the local currents would have made it predictable on which beaches they would arrive as flotsam. Salted pigs' ears are renowned as a special delicacy and the recipe for such is shown here.
Virtually all of the washed up ears have been collected and the beaches have now returned to normal. Doodles were seen filling crates with ears and transporting them away in buckets to their headquarters in Hampshire.
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An unidentified Doodle eating a pig's ear back at Headquarters |
The owner of the cargo, Mr Oz Terrier of Florida, USA, was extremely annoyed when told the news. He said, "I have suspected all along that this was sabotage and will be contacting my acquaintances in Columbia who will take extreme action to recover my property." His friend, Mr Benson Husky, was also upset. He stated to our reporter, "I am devastated. I do not get many pigs' ears, and this was to be a very special treat. I am being dogged by a particular Labradoodle, who is making my life a misery!" Benson would not divulge the name of his tormenter, but said she was black and of ill repute, living in the South of England. "That is what you expect of those Southerners", he said. "They are worse than us Scousers when it comes to stealing and robbing!"
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Pictures of Mr Oz Terrier and Mr Benson Husky, who have interests in the lost cargo. Both are claiming that this was a set up job by the Doodle Mafia, although this has yet to be proven. Cheshire Police are investigating. |
Meanwhile, it is understood that three of the Ninja Squad have changed their appearance over the past few days, by shaving off their hair in an attempt to confuse officers from Cheshire Police, who are conducting inquiries into the affair. A spokesman from Cheshire Police said, "We are following leads."
However, it is believed that most of the evidence has by now disappeared.
Editor's Note: It seems that Mr Benson Husky sold off our original story on this topic to a blog on the Internet, claiming it as his own copy. We are issuing a warning that such future behaviour will be dealt with by our Legal Team.