The Newspaper for the Mid
Friday, 22nd April 2011
PIGS' EARS GALORE!
reminiscent of the story Whisky
dozens of rampaging Labradoodles have snatched thousands of pigs'
ears washed ashore from the sunken container ship, reported
earlier this week.
On beaches all
around the Lancashire Coast, thousands of pigs' ears have been washed
up over the past 24 hours and it seems that the waiting Labradoodles
knew that they were coming and where to beachcomb.
A witness stated
"Oodles of Doodles have invaded our beaches and are running amok
and scoffing pigs' ears. It is a very dangerous
situation!. My little Border Terrier was nearly eaten by one of
them, who seemed to have a particular dislike for the breed."
Beach covered in pigs' ears
Severe damage to ship
It has now been
confirmed that members of the Ninja Squad of the Doodle Mafia were
involved in the sinking of the container ship. It is thought
that they were responsible for shifting the cargo, unlocking all of
the containers and causing a hole in the ship's hull, prior to it sinking.
Picture of ear being washed ashore
Unidentified Doodle finding ear on beach
Tests have shown
that although pigs' ears do not float, they have a certain buoyancy
at the bottom of the ocean and salt water would add to the
buoyancy. Careful calculations on the positioning of the ship
when it sank and prior research on the local currents would have made
it predictable on which beaches they would arrive as flotsam.
Salted pigs' ears are renowned as a special delicacy and the recipe
for such is shown here.
Virtually all of
the washed up ears have been collected and the beaches have now
returned to normal. Doodles were seen filling crates with ears and
transporting them away in buckets to their headquarters in Hampshire.
A bucket of pigs' ears
An unidentified Doodle eating a pig's ear back at Headquarters
The owner of the cargo, Mr Oz
Terrier of Florida, USA, was extremely annoyed when told the
news. He said, "I have suspected all along that this was
sabotage and will be contacting my acquaintances in Columbia who will
take extreme action to recover my property." His friend,
Mr Benson Husky, was also upset. He stated to our reporter,
"I am devastated. I do not get many pigs' ears, and this
was to be a very special treat. I am being dogged by a
particular Labradoodle, who is making my life a misery!" Benson
would not divulge the name of his tormenter, but said she was black
and of ill repute, living in the South of England. "That is what
you expect of those Southerners", he said. "They are worse
than us Scousers when it comes to stealing and robbing!"
Mr Oz Terrier
Mr Benson Husky
Pictures of Mr Oz Terrier and Mr Benson Husky, who have interests in
the lost cargo.
Both are claiming that this was a set up job by the Doodle Mafia,
although this has yet to be proven.
Cheshire Police are investigating.
Meanwhile, it is understood
that three of the Ninja Squad have changed their appearance over the
past few days, by shaving off their hair in an attempt to confuse
officers from Cheshire Police, who are conducting inquiries into the
affair. A spokesman from Cheshire Police said, "We are
However, it is believed
that most of the evidence has by now disappeared.
Editor's Note: It
seems that Mr Benson Husky sold off our original story on this topic
to a blog on the Internet, claiming it as his own copy. We are
issuing a warning that such future behaviour will be dealt with by
our Legal Team.
to original story