theWWWsite   Home Previous Thoughts 1Jul02 - 31Dec02 1Jan02 - 30Jun02 1Aug01 - 31Dec01 1May01 - 31Jul01 1Jan01 - 30Apr01 27Sep00 - 31Dec00 11Aug00 - 26Sep00 19Jun00 - 10Aug00	Today's thought   After three years, this section of the site is having a rest. If an exceptional thought arises, then it may be added above. 30June03 What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 29June03 I went to buy some camouflage trousers, but couldn't find any. 28June03 Two elephants walk off a cliff ... boom, boom! 27June03 I bet my butcher £50 that he could not reach the meat on his top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high." 26June03 "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." Henny Youngman 25June03 "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." Frank Sinatra 24June03 It is better to regret something you have done, rather than something you wish you had tried to do. 23June03 Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a dollar at bowling alleys. 22June03 After all is said and done, usually more is said than done. 21June03 I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect. 20June03 Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted. 19June03 No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning. 18June03 How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America? 17June03 How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. 16June03 Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. 15June03 I earn a seven figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved. 14June03 The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world. 13June03 When life throws you stones, throw them back! 12June03 At the first chance he had, Adam blamed it all on Eve. 11June03 It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, thats the time to do it! 10June03 Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do no walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone! 9June03 It may be your sole purpose in life to simply serve as a warning to others! 8June03 It it far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help! 7June03 If you always tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything! 6June03 If ignorance is bliss... then why aren't more people happy? 5June03 If you are too poor to pay attention, opt for the installment plan. 4June03 Money is not everything. There's MasterCard and Visa. 3June03 Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children. 2June03 Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. 1June03 The longer you are in a rut, the deeper it gets. 31May03 The best thing about a holiday, is that there is a gap to show you have been away. GAP 10May03 Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient. 9May03 Man who drives like hell, bound to get there. 8May03 War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left. 7May03 Man who lives in glass house should change in basement. 6May03 Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent. 5May03 Man who keeps feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants. 4May03 Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion. 3May03 Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck. 2May03 Man who runs in front of car, gets tired. 1May03 Man who runs behind car, gets exhausted. 30April03 Man who walks through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok. 29April03 Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails. 28April03 Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it. 27April03 Man who tells one too many light bulb jokes soon burns out. 26April03 It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it. 25April03 Man who sits on tack gets point. 24April03 Better to be pissed off than pissed on. 23April03 My friend is so thick she thinks an IQ is when you wait to see the optician. 22April03 Nobody takes me seriously until I say something in jest. 21April03 If all the pedestians in Britain were laid end to end, it would simplify matters for the car drivers. 20April03 When you define a living wage it depends on whether you are giving or getting it. 19April03 The clever man knows both how to take advice and also how to reject it. 18April03 It pays to be honest, but takes a lot longer to collect. 17April03 If you lend a friend £10, you either lose a friend or £10.

16April03 If I can't find something, the second thing I lose is my temper. 15April03 Advice is easily given, but hard to take. 14April03 Every relationship is based on each party thinking they have something to gain by its continuation. 13April03 Think before you speak - don't reflect on wat you have spoken. 12April03 The last casualty of war is the expert - proven wrong on all counts. 11April03 When the war is over, the populace thinks it was a good idea. 10April03 Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has few pleasures. 9April03 The problem with America is that they are trying to run the country with only one Vice President. 8April03 If a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it. 7April03 If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done? 6April03 At least with the Boat Race you also remember who came second. 5April03 A bachelor is a man crossed in love. A husband is one who has been double crossed. 4April03 Caution is when you are afraid. Cowardice is when the other fellow is afraid. 3April03 I was in bad company - there were four of us with a bottle of whisky and the other three didn't drink. 2April03 Sleeping is the cure for insomnia. 1April03 Definition of eternity - a monthly payment plan. 31March03 I am so worried that if something happens to me today, I can't get around to worry about it for a couple of weeks. 30March03 My wife told me that she had given me the best years of her life. OK, but I had made them the best. 29March03 I haven't spoken to my wife in weeks. I am unable to interrupt her. 28March03 You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is white, the best golfer is black, the Swiss hold the America Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance, and Germany doesn't want to go to war. 27March03 A quote from Sky News - "Umm Qasr is a city similar to Southampton," UK defence minister Geoff Hoon said in The Commons yesterday. "He's either never been to Southampton, or he's never been to Umm Qasr" said a British Squaddie patrolling Umm Qasr. Another soldier added: "There's no beer, no prostitutes and people are shooting at us. It's more like Portsmouth." 26March03 He who would eat the kernel must first crack the shell. 25March03 Truth is the facts presented the way you want them to be. 24March03 Never in previous wars have we received so much information, but gained so little knowledge. 23March03 The media first establish the facts and then distort them before publishing. 22March03 If you are going to feed a tiger, first make sure you have removed its teeth. 21March03 Is "integrity" a word unique to the English language? 20March03 The third casualty of war are the innocent. 19March03 The second casualty of war is the plan. 18March03 Truth is the first casualty of war. 17March03 "I don't know why people are surprised the French don't want to help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France." - Jay Leno 16March03 The French will back us any time ..... they need our help. 15March03 The real expert can still do the job without the right tools. 14March03 Only one third of what we eat enables us to live. The other two thirds enables the lady from Weightwatchers to live. 13March03 Justice is seldom issued to both sides of the scale in equal measure. 12March03 How can we ever become educated if we only read the newspapers we agree with? 11March03 Never fake integrity. 10March03 If the majority of your electorate disagree with you, then play the "I'm acting on conscience" ruse. 9March03 If the club won't vote for your motion, then start your own club. 8March03 Every winner bears scars. 7March03 Competence is more impressive than confidence. 6March03 Is a "cynic view" a picture worth remembering? 5March03 The first half of life is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children. 4March03 A "good service" is an expression no longer used in business, but only in tennis. 3March03 One of those dates = 03/03/03 2March03 If you win at love or war, it doesn't mean the expense has ended. 1March03 The only way you can beat time is to play the drums. 28February03 Nobody ever listened himself out of a job. 27February03 If a contract is more than a page long, then don't sign it. 26February03 Anything is possible on a computer - except what you ask the programmer to do for you. 25February03 Better to mean what you say, rather than say what you mean. 24February03 If someone points out your mistake, at least they are interested in what you have done. 23February03 If those who march for peace each donated £10 to poverty in Iraq, then perhaps the chances of war would receed. 22February03 Loyalty in politics is akin to snow in the Sahara. 21February03 I've had a terrible life, full of worries. And most of them never happened! (Billy Graham)

20February03 Mud thrown is ground lost. 19February03 A real loser is someone who had everything, and didn't know it, so let it go. 18February03 All you need to do in life is watch the world go by - and it sure will! 17February03 Why do the most civilised nations have the best weapons of war? 16February03 We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow. Our wiser sons, no doubt will think us so. 15February03 The trouble with opportunity is that it usually comes disguised as hard work. 14February03 The difference between a man and a woman buying a pair of shoes is about four hours. 13February03 There are hundreds of languages, but a smile speaks them all. 12February03 Remember, amateurs built the Ark, and professionals built the Titanic. 11February03 The greatest general to emerge from the next Gulf War will be General Taxation. 10February03 We think the world is getting worse, but really it is news coverage that is getting better. 9February03 Sitting on the fence means that people on both sides throw bricks at you. 8February03 No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. (Eleanor Roosevelt) 7February03 The idea is to make things as complicated as possible, then don't give help, and call yourself a Service Provider. 6February03 There are two kinds of men who never amount to much - those who cannot do what they are told and those who can do nothing else. 5February03 You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back. 4February03 Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? 3February03 If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation. 2February03 Although you can't fool all the people all the time, it doesn't stop some people from trying. 1February03 Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? 31January03 Politicians and nappies have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. 30January03 No one ever told me I was wonderful, so I am not sure how I first got the idea. 29January03 Fishing is about a pole with a worm at each end. 28January03 A friend told me to shoot first and ask questions later. I was going to ask him why, but I had to shoot him. (John Wayne) 27January03 The problem with being a genius is that other people keep telling you about your own ideas. 26January03 If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried. 25January03 The man who is the most popular isn't always the most respected. 24January03 Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done. 23January03 Happiness doesn't buy money. 22January03 Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow. 21January03 Age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability. 20January03 Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part. 19January03 Life is too fast for a slow computer. 18January03 You havent wasted your time if you enjoyed wasting it. 17January03 Nothing recedes like success. 16January03 A parking place is somewhere you leave your car to be vandalised. 15January03 Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes playing a poor hand well. 14January03 Oil may be a lubricant, but it certainly isn't between America and Iraq. 13January03 A man who marries in haste is the victim of a woman who has considered the matter at her leisure. 12January03 Chaos is now quite normal. 11January03 Most people remain poor by acting as if they were rich. 10January03 If the young people of today are worse than when we were young, perhaps it is because our parents were better at bringing up children than we have been. 9January03 A Conservative is someone who thinks the rich should have a fair deal. 8January03 Civilisation is the slow process of adopting the views of the minorities. 7January03 No one tries desperate remedies at first. 6January03 A job half finished is better than a job not started. 5January03 It is better to aim too high and miss your target, rather than aim too low and reach it. 4January03 Only two things are certain; death and taxes. But at least death doesn't get worse every year. 3January03 They say a man is as old as the woman he feels. Whereas a woman is as old as she feels like admitting. 2January03 Today is the day you abandon all of the resolutions you made yesterday. 1January 03 A resolution is a boastful aspiration you have no intention of meeting.   TO VIEW PREVIOUS THOUGHTS........ Go to "Previous Today's thought"