Old today's thought
31December00
A new year, with another opportunity for us all to make the world a better place. How come we never did so in previous years?
30December00
As the true new millennium dawns, why is there no fuss about it. Surely Jesus was born 2,000 years ago around now, not last year?
29December00
The two biggest non events of year 2000 - the Millennium Dome and the American Presidential Election.
28December00
What happened to all those Christmases of yesteryear? None of my children nor their partners had even heard of "shove ha'penny" or "tippit".
27December00
If humanity manages to survive for another 2000 years, will it still be eating cold turkey sandwiches on Boxing Day?
26December00
When you get a power cut at 1pm on Christmas Day you realise the importance of electricity - even the gas cooker doesn't work!!! (it came back on by 3pm)
25December00
Christmas
Day means:
1.
Giving presents you can't really afford, receiving presents you
would not have chosen, eating more food than you need, regretting
drinking so much.
or
2.
No different to any other day, no food to eat, no home to go to, a
death in the family, being alone.
or
3.
Spending the day with family and seeing the pleasure in the faces of
the children opening their presents.
I am a lucky man.
24December00
Please don't confuse my good nature with stupidity.
23December00
Quote:
"If we had an extra 6 million visitors to the Millennium Dome
it would have been a spectacular success."
And
if I had another £999,999 I would be a millionaire!!!
22December00
He who acts daft is often the most clever.
21December00
.... and they found Mary and Joseph and the baby lying in a manger.....and they all rolled over and one fell out!!!
20December00
Before you search the world, just check if there are any treasures in your own back garden.
19December00
It's a shame but there are more family fights over the Christmas period than all of the rest of the year put together.
18December00
Ain't Christmas Day wonderful and the best day in the year? Yes, if you are a man. No, if you have to cook the meal.
17December00
Send out your Christmas cards on the last possible posting day. You send cards to those you want to, and they have no chance to send one back to you if they have forgotten!
16December00
Keep a smile on your face. At least it makes everyone else wonder what you know that they don't.
15December00
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
14December00
Those who make the most promises usually don't expect to keep many of them.
13December00
You have the right to remain ignorant, but it does not help your case.
12December00
Nothing is new. Anything said in this world has been said before and will be said again.
11December00
Nothing is new. Anything said in this world has been said before and will be said again.
10December00
Saving a few pennies doesn't really help if you have a shortfall of pounds.
9December00
There's no disgrace in giving up, but not on yourself.
8December00
Don't get a dog for Christmas. A turkey tastes much nicer.
7December00
The biggest natural resource wasted on this planet is our time.
6December00
I prefer logic to lateral thinking.
5December00
What's the betting that come the summer of 2001, Great Britain will be suffering from a water shortage.
4December00
Education of children is important, but their happiness is paramount.
3December00
I love Christmas, but not the preparations.
2December00
A secret is like a latent amoeba.
1December00
The harder I work the luckier I get.
30November00
The customer ain't always right, but you don't have to tell him.
29November00
Under promise and over deliver.
28November00
President Clinton is happy that there is a real prospect of more "Bush" in the White House again.
27November00
Ecology is what everyone is concerned about as they continue to drive a car and live in a consumer world.
26November00
The bigger the problem, the easier the remedy.
25November00
An accountant is employed to discover the errors made by his predecessor.
24November00
Never look back on what you had, or you are bound to have regrets.
23November00
Never miss a chance to shut up.
22November00
Customer letter: "Dear Sir, Thank you for lending me the Daewoo Matiz while my own car was in your workshops. I now know and appreciate why I bought a Skoda!"
21November00
"Bugger whose?" - Anagram of George W Bush.
20November00
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
19November00
"Rid of Al" - Anagram of Florida.
18November00
You don't have to be ill to get better.
17November00
I was only wrong once. I thought I had made a mistake, but in fact I hadn't.
16November00
There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither of them work.
15November00
Always remember you are unique; just like everyone else.
14November00
Experience is something you get just after you need it.
13November00
In 1998 some 31 people died and over 2,000 people were injured due to police car accidents in the UK. One wonders how may lives were saved by police driving dangerously on the way to emergency calls.
12November00
Police were suspicious when one of the would be diamond robbers tried to buy six tickets to the Millenium Dome at full price.
11November00
Pet hate: being told a blank web page is "under construction". Why bother?
10November00
We didn't need an election to know there wasn't any difference between Al Gore and George W Bush.
9November00
Folks soon forget the good turn you did them, but always remember the bad one.
8November00
Bush and Gore neck and neck at the polls. Heads America loses, tails America loses!
7November00
Act in haste, repent at leisure.
6November00
The man with the most convincing argument often has the weakest case.
5November00
No matter what they tell you in the papers - this year had the lowest rainfall this century!
4November00
There are few situations that a glass of good wine cannot improve.
3November00
No one is more dangerous than a clever fool.
2November00
If you own one dog, you are probably a good person. If you own two dogs you are definitely ok. If you own three or more you are probably a crank!
1November00
The faster you drive, the longer you live - Albert Einstein. (time slows down as you approach the speed of light!)
31October00
If you believe in the equality of the sexes, when can men gain this equality?
30October00
Loyalty is a mythical quality which disappears when the chips are down.
29October00
The unexpected always unseats complacency.
28October00
Penny
driving car, "Oh shit!"
Voice
from the back seat, Jessica aged 4, "Sugar, Grandma, sugar."
27October00
Laughter is the best medicine - unless you are having a heart attack!
26October00
Only a woman could say - "I did tell you I was going to the dentist this morning; you just weren't in the room when I said it."
25October00
Only a woman could say - "The lifts at the new shopping centre just go up and down."
24October00
Be tolerant of others' shortcomings. If everyone was as good as you, then you would only be average!
23October00
The most uncertain aspect of life is life itself.
22October00
Perfection is what you thought you had yesterday and hope for tomorrow.
21October00
If you have to work on a marriage to keep it going, you probably haven't got much to start with.
20October00
If modern medicine is so wonderful, why don't all doctors live to be 100?
19October00
Your diamond can be someone elses lump of coal.
18October00
Sometimes, if you try a little bit less you achieve a little bit more.
17October00
The penalty of fame and success is that you start to believe the sycophants.
16October00
My cousin Pete has run the London Marathon twice. I told him he should have spotted the "Finish" sign the first time round.
15October00
Why is it that so many of the rich and famous can't succeed in happiness?
14October00
9 times out of 10, wisdom beats intelligence.
13October00
So it's Friday the 13th - superstition is bunkum, touch wood!
12October00
How incredible that I can visit someone 4,000 miles away, learn all about them and their family, where they live and loads more, just by signing on to the Internet. And they can of me.
11October00
As I watch the world news each night, I reflect how truly lucky I am to be a citizen of a civilized country.
10October00
Best joke of the week: When told that the England Coach was leaving, David Beckham said "Oh no, I've left my jacket on it."
9October00
My grand-daughter of four years old can probably operate a computer better than half the population over 40.
8October00
Only a brave man or a fool always tell the truth.
7October00
There is no correlation between good health and a sensible diet, or so I would like to believe!
6October00
Brevity is.
5October00
Age is a state of mind.
4October00
Modesty is my strongest attribute, amongst many, many others!
3October00
The secret of success and happiness is knowing when you have achieved them.
2October00
No-one is indispensable, except me!
1October00
You only realise the true value of somebody when they are no longer there.
30September00
Of all my senses, common sense is the most important.
29 September00
It's only a difficult question if you don't know the answer.
28September00
You only get out of life what you put into life.
27September00
He whose only goal is to gain and profit does so at the expense of reputation and friends.
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