Old today's thought 31December00 A new year, with another opportunity for us all to make the world a better place. How come we never did so in previous years? 30December00 As the true new millennium dawns, why is there no fuss about it. Surely Jesus was born 2,000 years ago around now, not last year? 29December00 The two biggest non events of year 2000 - the Millennium Dome and the American Presidential Election. 28December00 What happened to all those Christmases of yesteryear? None of my children nor their partners had even heard of "shove ha'penny" or "tippit". 27December00 If humanity manages to survive for another 2000 years, will it still be eating cold turkey sandwiches on Boxing Day? 26December00 When you get a power cut at 1pm on Christmas Day you realise the importance of electricity - even the gas cooker doesn't work!!! (it came back on by 3pm) 25December00
Christmas
Day means: I am a lucky man. 24December00 Please don't confuse my good nature with stupidity. 23December00
Quote:
"If we had an extra 6 million visitors to the Millennium Dome
it would have been a spectacular success." 22December00 He who acts daft is often the most clever. 21December00 .... and they found Mary and Joseph and the baby lying in a manger.....and they all rolled over and one fell out!!! 20December00 Before you search the world, just check if there are any treasures in your own back garden. 19December00 It's a shame but there are more family fights over the Christmas period than all of the rest of the year put together. 18December00 Ain't Christmas Day wonderful and the best day in the year? Yes, if you are a man. No, if you have to cook the meal. 17December00 Send out your Christmas cards on the last possible posting day. You send cards to those you want to, and they have no chance to send one back to you if they have forgotten! 16December00 Keep a smile on your face. At least it makes everyone else wonder what you know that they don't. 15December00 When the going gets tough, the tough get going. 14December00 Those who make the most promises usually don't expect to keep many of them. 13December00 You have the right to remain ignorant, but it does not help your case. 12December00 Nothing is new. Anything said in this world has been said before and will be said again. 11December00 Nothing is new. Anything said in this world has been said before and will be said again. 10December00 Saving a few pennies doesn't really help if you have a shortfall of pounds. 9December00 There's no disgrace in giving up, but not on yourself. 8December00 Don't get a dog for Christmas. A turkey tastes much nicer. 7December00 The biggest natural resource wasted on this planet is our time. 6December00 I prefer logic to lateral thinking. 5December00 What's the betting that come the summer of 2001, Great Britain will be suffering from a water shortage. 4December00 Education of children is important, but their happiness is paramount. 3December00 I love Christmas, but not the preparations. 2December00 A secret is like a latent amoeba. 1December00 The harder I work the luckier I get. 30November00 The customer ain't always right, but you don't have to tell him. 29November00 Under promise and over deliver. 28November00 President Clinton is happy that there is a real prospect of more "Bush" in the White House again. 27November00 Ecology is what everyone is concerned about as they continue to drive a car and live in a consumer world. 26November00 The bigger the problem, the easier the remedy. 25November00 An accountant is employed to discover the errors made by his predecessor. 24November00 Never look back on what you had, or you are bound to have regrets. 23November00 Never miss a chance to shut up. 22November00 Customer letter: "Dear Sir, Thank you for lending me the Daewoo Matiz while my own car was in your workshops. I now know and appreciate why I bought a Skoda!" 21November00 "Bugger whose?" - Anagram of George W Bush. 20November00 If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. 19November00 "Rid of Al" - Anagram of Florida. 18November00 You don't have to be ill to get better. 17November00 I was only wrong once. I thought I had made a mistake, but in fact I hadn't. 16November00 There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither of them work. 15November00 Always remember you are unique; just like everyone else. 14November00 Experience is something you get just after you need it. 13November00 In 1998 some 31 people died and over 2,000 people were injured due to police car accidents in the UK. One wonders how may lives were saved by police driving dangerously on the way to emergency calls. 12November00 Police were suspicious when one of the would be diamond robbers tried to buy six tickets to the Millenium Dome at full price. 11November00 Pet hate: being told a blank web page is "under construction". Why bother? 10November00 We didn't need an election to know there wasn't any difference between Al Gore and George W Bush. 9November00 Folks soon forget the good turn you did them, but always remember the bad one. 8November00 Bush and Gore neck and neck at the polls. Heads America loses, tails America loses! 7November00 Act in haste, repent at leisure. 6November00 The man with the most convincing argument often has the weakest case. 5November00 No matter what they tell you in the papers - this year had the lowest rainfall this century! 4November00 There are few situations that a glass of good wine cannot improve. 3November00 No one is more dangerous than a clever fool. 2November00 If you own one dog, you are probably a good person. If you own two dogs you are definitely ok. If you own three or more you are probably a crank! 1November00 The faster you drive, the longer you live - Albert Einstein. (time slows down as you approach the speed of light!) 31October00 If you believe in the equality of the sexes, when can men gain this equality? 30October00 Loyalty is a mythical quality which disappears when the chips are down. 29October00 The unexpected always unseats complacency. 28October00
Penny
driving car, "Oh shit!" 27October00 Laughter is the best medicine - unless you are having a heart attack! 26October00 Only a woman could say - "I did tell you I was going to the dentist this morning; you just weren't in the room when I said it." 25October00 Only a woman could say - "The lifts at the new shopping centre just go up and down." 24October00 Be tolerant of others' shortcomings. If everyone was as good as you, then you would only be average! 23October00 The most uncertain aspect of life is life itself. 22October00 Perfection is what you thought you had yesterday and hope for tomorrow. 21October00 If you have to work on a marriage to keep it going, you probably haven't got much to start with. 20October00 If modern medicine is so wonderful, why don't all doctors live to be 100? 19October00 Your diamond can be someone elses lump of coal. 18October00 Sometimes, if you try a little bit less you achieve a little bit more. 17October00 The penalty of fame and success is that you start to believe the sycophants. 16October00 My cousin Pete has run the London Marathon twice. I told him he should have spotted the "Finish" sign the first time round. 15October00 Why is it that so many of the rich and famous can't succeed in happiness? 14October00 9 times out of 10, wisdom beats intelligence. 13October00 So it's Friday the 13th - superstition is bunkum, touch wood! 12October00 How incredible that I can visit someone 4,000 miles away, learn all about them and their family, where they live and loads more, just by signing on to the Internet. And they can of me. 11October00 As I watch the world news each night, I reflect how truly lucky I am to be a citizen of a civilized country. 10October00 Best joke of the week: When told that the England Coach was leaving, David Beckham said "Oh no, I've left my jacket on it." 9October00 My grand-daughter of four years old can probably operate a computer better than half the population over 40. 8October00 Only a brave man or a fool always tell the truth. 7October00 There is no correlation between good health and a sensible diet, or so I would like to believe! 6October00 Brevity is. 5October00 Age is a state of mind. 4October00 Modesty is my strongest attribute, amongst many, many others! 3October00 The secret of success and happiness is knowing when you have achieved them. 2October00 No-one is indispensable, except me! 1October00 You only realise the true value of somebody when they are no longer there. 30September00 Of all my senses, common sense is the most important. 29 September00 It's only a difficult question if you don't know the answer. 28September00 You only get out of life what you put into life. 27September00 He whose only goal is to gain and profit does so at the expense of reputation and friends. TO VIEW PREVIOUS THOUGHTS........ |
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