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30April01 Tact is telling a barefaced lie to save someone else from embarrassment. 29April01 If you consider what might have been, you always exaggerate. 28April01 No-one is indispensable, but some are missed. 27April01 Be careful that the golden opportunity is not a rusty bucket. 26April01 Strategy will win the war, so make this the first weapon you acquire. 25April01 One measure of a man is how he handles power. 24April01 If winning doesn't matter, why keep score? 23April01 Nothing is forever - even infinity. 22April01 Is "irony" telling a bachelor that he has a creased shirt and a pressing need to get a wife? 21April01 If you get what you want make sure you keep it. 20April 01 The best things in life are free, the ones we desire cost a fortune. 19April01 The impossible is an excuse for something you would rather not do. 18April01 If the drinks are free, someone always takes advantage. 17April01 There are lies, damn lies and politics. 16April01 It is important to retain your values, without forcing them on others. 15April01 There ain't much sense in the 2001 UK census. 14April01 It's always funnier when someone else slips on the banana skin. 13April01 Trust everybody and you are a fool. Trust no-one and you are an even bigger fool. 12April01 You are rarely aware of what people really think of you. 11April01 To entrap someone, just let them do the talking. 10April01 He who listens, learns. 9April01 Confidence is the ingredient that turns losers into winners. 8April01 Expect nothing from life and you'll still be disappointed. 7April01 A man makes a mistake, whereas a woman changes her mind. 6April01 Look on the bright side; you could be dead tomorrow! 5April01 In this modern age we tend to deprive the old of their most valued possession - their dignity. 4April01 The most difficult adversary is the man who is acting on principle. 3April01 My Mum used to say "You'll miss me when I'm dead and gone!" and I do. 2April01 "The government have decided that it is in the public interest ......" is another way of saying "This might be in the Party's best interest for re-election". 1April01 The Japanese have invented a toothbrush that releases an electrical discharge and this dislodges all the plaque. This makes toothpaste obsolete. Honest. And I know it's All Fools' Day. 31March01 I have never heard of a politician who had no knowledge or opinion on any given subject. 30March01 Don't get mad, get even. 29March01 I thought this was funny. Be careful when you dial. 28March01 The mass killing of hundreds of thousands of animals, because of foot and mouth disease, seems as immoral as any war crime, even though most would have eventually been victims of the abattoir. 27March01 Quality beats quantity any day. 26March01 The person you envy is probably as miserable as sin. 25March01 Your best quoted phrases are remembered by others and forgotten by yourself. 24March01 People in high places make more mistakes because others agree with their suggestions. 23March01 Most people make fools of themselves when trying to make a fool of others.

22March01 The tale of Sonia Snell, (with acknowledgments to my Cousin Jim who first recited it to me) 21March01 Spring is nearly here and a young man's thoughts turn to .... cricket! 20March01 Love and hate are both blind. 19March01 Home spun philosophies often get into a tangle. 18March01 Amazingly, however old you become, there is always something new to learn every day, as long as you have an interest in life. 17March01 The sun is there, even if the clouds are obscuring it. 16March01 If pigs could fly I would buy shares in an umbrella factory. 15March01 Fame, fortune and power are of no consequence if a man is morally bankrupt. 14March01 Trust nothing but your own instinct. 13March01 When in Rome, do as the Romans do ..... rape, pillage, feed Christians to the lions and live a life of debauchery??? 12March01 Complacency is the mother of all cock-ups! 11March01 Praise from your family is praise indeed! Criticism is welcome; disdain and ridicule are par for the course. 10March01 Sometimes I feel that if I could understand the answer I wouldn't have needed to ask the question. 9March01 Is ten years' experience, in fact, one year's experience times ten? 8March01 Achievement is when something difficult is made to work, from your own efforts. 7March01 You don't need spectacles to look back in hindsight. 6March01 Reality is the world as I see it. 5March01 Every dog has his day. 4March01 Be careful what you ask for, one day you may get it. 3March01 My dog's got no nose. How does it smell? Terrible. 2March01 With foot and mouth disease all over the country, we can't walk our dog in the forest. However, horse racing will still continue, but of course there is money at stake! 1March01 When you ring our local Doctors' surgery and ask for an immediate appointment, why does the receptionist ask if it is urgent? If it wasn't important to me, why would I want to see a doctor? 28February01 Friends are people who help you when you don't ask them. 27February01 "One can die looking for the hope which tomorrow brings." (letter from Chandler, serving life sentence in prison in Mississippi.) 26February01 How come after four years in office, I get a letter from my local councillor. Is it coincidence he wants to be re-elected this year? 25February01 Jessica aged 4: "No I am not asleep, but just resting my eyes." 24February01 If you think I am sad and need to get a life, what about my pal Phil who logs onto this page every day to see what I have written! 23February01 Live every day as if it were your last - (lie in bed in a prone position, coughing and gasping for air!) 22February01 If George W Bush had to locate Iraq on a world map before he sent the bombing missions in, then world peace would be a lot more stable. (Or a lot of other countries would be bombed.) 21February01 Why do we allow those with the least principles to govern us and create laws that decide our own morality. 20February01 If you don't believe in spontaneous combustion, try looking at ants through a magnifying glass on a sunny summer's day. 19February01 When I married Miss Right nobody told me her first name was "Always". 18February01 You never really know someone until you are at war against them. 17February01 They say mud sticks, but it's those who throw it who are dirty. 16February01 Act in haste, repent at leisure. 15February01 Re yesterday's thought - you don't really think I'm that brave / stupid, do you? 14February01 Me: All this fuss about Valentine's Day - you don't have to give someone flowers to prove that you love them. My wife: You swine, you forgot, didn't you? 13February01 How many times do you want to say something important but the words get in the way? 12February01 Parents always do things that annoy you. When you find yourself doing them it's even more annoying. 11February01 Why do I look so wonderful in the mirror, but so unattractive on video film? 10February01 Why is it that the funniest jokes are those you are unable to remember? 9February01 Running away from a problem doesn't help. Well it does if the problem is a mad bull! 8February01 If life begins at forty it certainly doesn't last very long! 7February01 Getting credit and putting on weight are both easily done. Getting rid is more difficult. 6February01 Mr Royce once said "The quality will remain long after the price has been forgotten" 5February01 The hardest word to pronounce in the English language is "sorry". 4February01 If you set your alarm clock for 4 minutes past 5 this morning you are an idiot, because its Sunday and you could have had a lie in! 3February01 If you set your alarm clock for 4 minutes past 5 this morning you will get 05:04 03/02/01. Wait another hour one minute and four seconds and you will then get 06:05:04 03/02/01. 2February01 I know several people who are millionaires and none of them are happier than me. If I was a millionaire, I would be happier than them! 1February01 Be careful about what you want in life, because one day you may achieve it. 31January 01 If you are making someone bored, stop whatever you are doing immediately.

30January01 Oh the kids of today - when I was their age I was much older! 29January01 It is difficult to tell someone you are the best without sounding conceited.   28January01 If you enjoy the sound of your own voice, chances are other people don't. 27January01 An expert is someone who has the nerve to charge you for bad advice. 26January01 The most effective form of birth control is the head-ache. 25January01 I have a moral question for you. The situation: you are in the Midwest and there is a huge flood. Homes have been lost, supplies compromised, and infrastructures destroyed. You are taking photographs for a news service, travelling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes. You come across George W. Bush who has been swept away by the flood waters. He is hanging on to the branch of a tree and is about to go under. You can either put down your camera and save him or take a Pulitzer prizewinning photograph of him as he loses his grip on the branch. So, here's the question - and think carefully before you answer it: What lens would you use? 24January01 When people ask how I am, why do I always reply "Fine, thank you", even if I'm not? 23January01 Your best friend should be your spouse - (but it's difficult if you are already married.) 22January01 The strongest argument for the abolition of fox hunting are the people who support it. 21January01 I don't believe in reincarnation and I didn't when I was Napoleon. 20January01 Nowadays, important elements of life such as marriage and employment are too often entered into with only a short term commitment. 19January01 Those who have nothing to say usually make sure they tell everbody. 18January01 How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three - one to screw it in and the other two to listen to him brag about the screwing. 17January01 How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one; he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. 16January01 Nothing can surpass the joy of seeing your own new-born baby - or the horror if you didn't know you had one! 15January01 You can always deny what has been said, but a letter can only be open to interpretation. 14January01 Boring people live longer - or at least it seems longer. 13January01 What should you do if you see your husband rolling around in pain on the ground? Shoot him again. 12January01 It is better to give than receive - especially blame! 11January01 A man's true measure is how he copes with power. 10January01 Good ideas usually arrive when you are not searching for them. 9January01 The higher up the ladder you climb, the more difficult it is to see what is happening at ground level. 8January01 The problem with revenge is that it is difficult to measure the exact dosage. 7January01 A website is like life itself; you can always make some improvements. 6January01 A job is always done better if you are doing it for yourself, or for someone you love. 5January01 Loyalty and water have much in common - they both evaporate when the heat is on. 4January01 The fundemental ingredient missing from modern life must be "fun". 3January01 What doesn't matter to you might be very important to someone else. 2January01 Make a New Year's resolution to count to 100 before you make a criticism of someone. (Count to 1,000 if it is a loved one!) 1January01 Today is 01/01/01 - 20th January will be 20/01/2001 and 10th February 10/02/2001- which is palindromic on UK date system (and nowhere else matters!)   TO VIEW PREVIOUS THOUGHTS........ Go to "Old Today's thought"