theWWWsite

Go on Penny and John's HolidayDiscover My Favourite ThingsSee the Web Names for SaleView New Forest ScenesVisit our Guest BookRead Today's Thought to brighten your day

 


Return to the Home Page

31July01

Even when your children get into their twenties or thirties, they are still your "children".

30July01

Sad but true; presentation is more important than content.

29July01

The secret of life is managing not to die!

28July01

Why do politicians travel the world by jet planes and large limos and then meet to discuss fuel conservation?

27July01

It is easy to lose friends, but hard to lose enemies.

26July01

Great minds think alike, and fools never differ.

25July01

Anything will work if you put enough effort into it, but it won't necessarily work properly.

24July01

84% of those surveyed considered all statistics to be reliable but the remaining 27% did not.

23July01

Lord Archer (politician) is imprisoned for telling lies. If this applies to all politicians, who is going to rule us?

22July01

It is not a question of doubting someone's integrity, just establishing the price.

21July01

If you keep things, you never need them. But if you throw something away ........

20July01

It's not the size of the dog in the fight that matters - it's the size of the fight in the dog.

19July01

The only thing you really earn in life is respect.

18July01

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

17July01

Alliances are generally made for pragmatic reasons, rather than from joint ideals.

16July01

Everyone has an angle. Make sure yours is a right angle.

15July01

The truth is most feared by those who rarely use it.

14July01

Don't put yourself down. There are plenty of other people who will do that for you.

13July01

Everyone makes mistakes, but they are my speciality subject.

12July01

To make a complaint, start at the top and work your way down.

11July01

Everyone has a weakness. I just have more than most people.

10July01

Originality is a quality many claim but few achieve.

9July01

Stupid expression. The pen is mightier than the sword. In a fight to the death, I'll take the sword!

8July01

I don't believe it! The TV people came out and I was interviewed. It was the lead story on our local 6 o'clock news. Must have been a slow news day!!

7July01

Until today, I always thought that floods were something that happened to other people on TV.

 

6July01

If you ask enough questions you will probably stumble across the truth.

5July01

When I was 16 years' old, my parents were really stupid. By the time I had reached 20, they had improved immensely.

4July01

Its so predictable how the unexpected always happens.

3July01

If you throw caution into the wind, it can blow back in your face.

2July01

Experience is my strength, my age is my weakness.

1July01

'Wonderful, but what a shame they built it so close to Heathrow Airport.' - American tourist's comment about Windsor Castle.

30June01

If you don't owe anyone a favour, you haven't got very far.

29June01

The toy that gives the most pleasure often costs the least money.

28June01

The trouble with technology is what is possible often isn't practical.

27June01

A horse goes into a bar. The barman asks, "Why the long face?"

26June01

Why does it take lots of people to change a light bulb? Because many hands make light work.

25June01

Success is a hot dish, that has many wishing to taste it with you. Failure is served cold and consumed alone.

24June01

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice. But for those who love, time is an eternity. (Henry Van Dyke, quoted by Sam, deceased, formerly of Death Row)

23June01

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

22June01

When you have lost everything else, you still have experience.

21June01

Lost dog. Blind, only three legs, canker in ears, mange, worms, lice, ticks, fleas, no teeth, broken tail, emaciated, Answers to the name of "Lucky".

 

20June01

Our Prime Minister Tony Blair is being shown around an Edinburgh hospital in Scotland. Towards the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward of people with no obvious signs of injury. He greets the first patient and the chap replies: "Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain e' the puddin' race! Aboon them a' ye tak your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm, Weel are ye Wordy o'a grace, As lang's my arm."
Tony, being somewhat confused, grins and moves on to the next patient and greets him. He replies: "Some hae meat, and canna eat, And some eat that want it, But we hae meat and we can eat, And sae the Lord be thankit."
The third starts rattling off as follows: "Wee sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie! Thou need na start awa sae hasty, Wi bickering brattle!"
Tony turns to the doctor accompanying him and asks, "What sort of ward is this, a mental ward?"
 "No," replies the doctor, "It's the serious Burns unit."

19June01

Life travels at a fast pace; don't watch it go by.

18June01

A "thought a day" gets difficult after a year!

17June01

Something is only right when you do it to your own satisfaction.

16June01

If you go for enough opportunities you end up rich or bust.

15June01

The only place where success comes before work is in a dictionary.

14June01

Nothing is for nothing, except love and friendship.

13June01

Age is relative. Most of my relatives are old.

12June01

How many men does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he takes weeks to do it!

11June01

Why is it whatever you buy, you always find a cheaper offer within a week?

10June01

Sincerity is best used when concealing the truth!

9June01

The only time someone says anything good about you is when you are no longer there to hear it!

8June01

One man's triumph is another's disaster.

7June01

Whoever said talk was cheap doesn't have to pay my telephone bill.

6June01

Too many cooks ... are never a problem for McDonalds.

5June01

Be careful of the knee-jerk reaction; it will make you fall over.

4June01

If you don't at first succeed, then cheat.

3June01

The impossible can always be accomplished if you spend a couple of minutes thinking about how to do it.

2June01

If you don't ask, you probably won't get.

1June01

Those who live in the past don't have much of a future.

31May01

People who always tell the truth don't need to remind you that they are not lying.

30May01

It is always easy to improve on someone else's efforts.

29May01

I was going to start up an "Apathy Party" but I don't think anyone would vote for it, so I'll set up a "Lethargy Party" instead.

28May01

The very best ideas are those that have been stolen from someone else.

27May01

When one door closes, sometimes the others need a little oiling to open.

26May01

It's no use fishing if the pond is dry.

25May01

The truth can only hurt your pride, a lie can hurt your soul.

24May01

If you have to pay a bonus to make someone work harder, then you have employed the wrong person.

23May01

To establish how little you actually do, get someone to sit alongside and watch you work all day.

22May01

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but all you need to become a consultant.

21May01

How come when you get the time to do all those jobs you never had time for, you still don't want to do them?

20May01

What is the secret of happiness? Don't be so bloody miserable!

19May01

Think about the answer, before asking the question.

18May01

"Our election strategy needs more punch" said Tony, so Two Jabs Prescott took this to the egg-stream.

17May01

If you stop and write down all the positive aspects of life, you won't have time to record the negative ones.

16May01

Those who expect windfalls should realise that the wind frequently changes direction.

15May01

Don't complain if relatives or friends have not 'phoned or visited you. 'Phone or visit them and get your own back!

14May01

Prejudice is based on ignorance, and we are all ignorant about something.

13May01

There may not be a conspiracy to hide the truth, but the media certainly do their best to muddy the waters.

12May01

You can teach someone almost anything, except experience.

11May01

Never overestimate your opponent.

10May01

Investigate the explanation before making the criticism.

9May01

Tony said "I'm having another election." Cheri misheard what he said, shut her eyes, turned over and pretended she was asleep.
(So did the rest of the country.)

8May01

Those who scorn democracy are the first to take what they can from it.

7May01

She asked, "What is a double entendre?" and so he gave her one.

6May01

The first rule of fighting is that there are no rules.

5May01

I stumbled across these pages. They made me laugh. http://www.imsa.edu/~bono/05d/jeet/woman.html and http://www.imsa.edu/~bono/05d/bruce/clinton.html from the same site.

4May01

Memory is selective and should not be confused with what actually happened.

3May01

If there is no answer to a problem, sleep on it and tomorrow there will be.

2May01

Why does everyone else's job seem so simple, when your own is so complex?

1May01

You couldn't make this up. A Focus Group have been consulted as to whether our Prime Minister, Tony Blair, should wear spectacles in public!

TO VIEW PREVIOUS THOUGHTS........

Go to "Previous Today's thought"

Return to the Home Page