Even when your children get into their twenties or thirties, they are still your "children".
Sad but true; presentation is more important than content.
The secret of life is managing not to die!
Why do politicians travel the world by jet planes and large limos and then meet to discuss fuel conservation?
It is easy to lose friends, but hard to lose enemies.
Great minds think alike, and fools never differ.
Anything will work if you put enough effort into it, but it won't necessarily work properly.
84% of those surveyed considered all statistics to be reliable but the remaining 27% did not.
Lord Archer (politician) is imprisoned for telling lies. If this applies to all politicians, who is going to rule us?
It is not a question of doubting someone's integrity, just establishing the price.
If you keep things, you never need them. But if you throw something away ........
It's not the size of the dog in the fight that matters - it's the size of the fight in the dog.
The only thing you really earn in life is respect.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Alliances are generally made for pragmatic reasons, rather than from joint ideals.
Everyone has an angle. Make sure yours is a right angle.
The truth is most feared by those who rarely use it.
Don't put yourself down. There are plenty of other people who will do that for you.
Everyone makes mistakes, but they are my speciality subject.
To make a complaint, start at the top and work your way down.
Everyone has a weakness. I just have more than most people.
Originality is a quality many claim but few achieve.
Stupid expression. The pen is mightier than the sword. In a fight to the death, I'll take the sword!
I don't believe it! The TV people came out and I was interviewed. It was the lead story on our local 6 o'clock news. Must have been a slow news day!!
Until today, I always thought that floods were something that happened to other people on TV.
If you ask enough questions you will probably stumble across the truth.
When I was 16 years' old, my parents were really stupid. By the time I had reached 20, they had improved immensely.
Its so predictable how the unexpected always happens.
If you throw caution into the wind, it can blow back in your face.
Experience is my strength, my age is my weakness.
'Wonderful, but what a shame they built it so close to Heathrow Airport.' - American tourist's comment about Windsor Castle.
If you don't owe anyone a favour, you haven't got very far.
The toy that gives the most pleasure often costs the least money.
The trouble with technology is what is possible often isn't practical.
A horse goes into a bar. The barman asks, "Why the long face?"
Why does it take lots of people to change a light bulb? Because many hands make light work.
Success is a hot dish, that has many wishing to taste it with you. Failure is served cold and consumed alone.
Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice. But for those who love, time is an eternity. (Henry Van Dyke, quoted by Sam, deceased, formerly of Death Row)
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
When you have lost everything else, you still have experience.
Lost dog. Blind, only three legs, canker in ears, mange, worms, lice, ticks, fleas, no teeth, broken tail, emaciated, Answers to the name of "Lucky".
Minister Tony Blair is being shown around an Edinburgh hospital in
Scotland. Towards the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward of
people with no obvious signs of injury. He greets the first patient
and the chap replies: "Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, Great
chieftain e' the puddin' race! Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm, Weel are ye Wordy o'a grace, As lang's my arm."
Life travels at a fast pace; don't watch it go by.
A "thought a day" gets difficult after a year!
Something is only right when you do it to your own satisfaction.
If you go for enough opportunities you end up rich or bust.
The only place where success comes before work is in a dictionary.
Nothing is for nothing, except love and friendship.
Age is relative. Most of my relatives are old.
How many men does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he takes weeks to do it!
Why is it whatever you buy, you always find a cheaper offer within a week?
Sincerity is best used when concealing the truth!
The only time someone says anything good about you is when you are no longer there to hear it!
One man's triumph is another's disaster.
Whoever said talk was cheap doesn't have to pay my telephone bill.
Too many cooks ... are never a problem for McDonalds.
Be careful of the knee-jerk reaction; it will make you fall over.
If you don't at first succeed, then cheat.
The impossible can always be accomplished if you spend a couple of minutes thinking about how to do it.
If you don't ask, you probably won't get.
Those who live in the past don't have much of a future.
People who always tell the truth don't need to remind you that they are not lying.
It is always easy to improve on someone else's efforts.
I was going to start up an "Apathy Party" but I don't think anyone would vote for it, so I'll set up a "Lethargy Party" instead.
The very best ideas are those that have been stolen from someone else.
When one door closes, sometimes the others need a little oiling to open.
It's no use fishing if the pond is dry.
The truth can only hurt your pride, a lie can hurt your soul.
If you have to pay a bonus to make someone work harder, then you have employed the wrong person.
To establish how little you actually do, get someone to sit alongside and watch you work all day.
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but all you need to become a consultant.
How come when you get the time to do all those jobs you never had time for, you still don't want to do them?
What is the secret of happiness? Don't be so bloody miserable!
Think about the answer, before asking the question.
"Our election strategy needs more punch" said Tony, so Two Jabs Prescott took this to the egg-stream.
If you stop and write down all the positive aspects of life, you won't have time to record the negative ones.
Those who expect windfalls should realise that the wind frequently changes direction.
Don't complain if relatives or friends have not 'phoned or visited you. 'Phone or visit them and get your own back!
Prejudice is based on ignorance, and we are all ignorant about something.
There may not be a conspiracy to hide the truth, but the media certainly do their best to muddy the waters.
You can teach someone almost anything, except experience.
Never overestimate your opponent.
Investigate the explanation before making the criticism.
said "I'm having another election." Cheri misheard what he
said, shut her eyes, turned over and pretended she was asleep.
Those who scorn democracy are the first to take what they can from it.
She asked, "What is a double entendre?" and so he gave her one.
The first rule of fighting is that there are no rules.
Memory is selective and should not be confused with what actually happened.
If there is no answer to a problem, sleep on it and tomorrow there will be.
Why does everyone else's job seem so simple, when your own is so complex?
You couldn't make this up. A Focus Group have been consulted as to whether our Prime Minister, Tony Blair, should wear spectacles in public!
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