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	31December01 May 2002 be the year we had hoped for in 2001! 30December01 Can it be only two years ago that we asked for peace for the new millenium? 29December01 The bravest man feels the most fear. 28December01 A co-incidence is something that had to happen eventually. 27December01 The three measurements of credit cards are length, width and debt. 26December01 The more complicated the equipment, the less instructions are provided! 25December01 Father (I am) Christmas! 24December01 Don't bother to set the alarm clock tonight - the children will wake you up at 5.30 am! 23December01 If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 22December01 Everyone buys two week's shopping for Christmas, and the shops are only shut for one day! 21December01 Today's date: 21/12/2001 : 2+1=3, 1+2=3, 2+0+0+1=3. 20December01 Vet: "I'm sorry, I am going to have to put your dog down." Owner: "Oh no, why?" Vet: "He's too heavy for me to carry any longer." 19December01 A friend is the person who knows all about you and still likes you. 18December01 Dog needs good home. Likes children, but will eat dog food. 17December01 Christmas presents. What we give we cannot afford. What we get is what someone else cannot afford. 16December01 Did you realise that Santa is an anagram of Satan? Is Saint Nick really Old Nick? Spooky! 15December01 Wise men have something to say; fools have to say something. 14December01 I am not concerned or worried about dying, but I shall find it rather inconvenient. 13December01 Most job offers arrive when you are already in work. 12December01 If I had my time again I would place the bets on different horses! 11December01 You cannot beat the love of a good woman, although the wife will surely disapprove! 10December01 There are more flying elephants than sincere apologies. 9December01 If we have free speech, why are there phone bills? 8December01 Always be planning for the day after tomorrow. 7December01 Sticker worn by US Marines: "It's God's responsibility to forgive Bin Laden.... It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting!" 6December01 Nothing is so unexpected as death. 5December01 The only time a bank will lend you money is when you don't need it. 4December01 To announce something publicly, tell one person in confidence. 3December01 Make God laugh - plan for the future. 2December01 I finally managed to teach my dog to beg. Last night he came home with £35. 1December01 Is expensive underwear a rip-off? 30November01 If a dog is a man's best friend, where does that leave the wife? 29November01 It is not the oath that makes you believe the man, but the man the oath. 28November01 Why does it take genius to invent the obvious? 27November01 Customer Service Sign: "Helen Waite is now in charge of all rush orders. If you are in a hurry, just go to Helen Waite." 26November01 Expectation is often better than fulfillment. 25November01 It takes both sunshine and rain to make a rainbow. 24November01 If business is poor, but you haven't changed anything from last year, maybe that is the problem. 23November01 Never tell your friends anything which you don't want your enemies to know. 22November01 He who bargains often gets the worse deal. 21November01 A problem shared gives someone else something to worry about! 20November01 Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. 19November01 I'm convinced God put me here to accomplish a certain number of things; right now, I'm so far behind I'll never die! 18November01 The sweetest success is first time around. 17November01 Often "more" is "less". 16Novemebr01 The best revenge is when the recipient doesn't know it's you! 15November01 To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity. 14November01 The best picture in the world is signed "To Da, love from Jessica." 13November01 A well typed letter doesn't make the content better, but it often means the contents are read. 12November01 Over confidence is often a sign of insecurity.

11November01 If you are not part of the answer, perhaps you are part of the problem. 10November01 Never marry a tennis player, as love means nothing. 9November01 When you come to a bend in life's journey, it's not the end of the road..... unless you fail to change your direction. 8November01 The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. 7November01 Today's bargain is tomorrow's throw-a-way. 6November01 A dyslexic pimp bought a warehouse. 5November01 It's not what you've got, but what others perceive you have, that has influence. 4November01 The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra. 3November01 A dyslexic man walked into a bra. 2November01 Tony Blair: "I don't make predictions. I never have and I never will." 1November01 It's tough on chickens that more are eaten before they are born than after they die. 31October01 You will always find the time to do something if it interests you. 30October01 Cemeteries are full of indispensable people. 29October01 It is easy to excel at the mediocre. 28October01 The trouble with the rat-race is that if you win you're still a rat. 27October01 What happens if you stop advertising? Nothing. 26October01 Great ideas always come when you haven't got a pencil or paper at hand. 25October01 Pride may come before a fall, but without it you are nothing. 24October01 A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem. 23October01 Remember that everyone is better than you at something, but nobody is better than you. 22October01 I believe in questioning authority up until a certain point, and that point is reached when I am the authority. 21October01 Heaven and Hell are both here on Earth and we each experience a little of both. 20October01 Justifying a lie isn't difficult. It's justifying the lie you told to justify the first lie that gets complicated! 19October01 If you ever wondered why somebody doesn't do something about it, then realize you are somebody. 18October01 If you always take things close to the wire, one day you will trip over it! 17October01 No one is purfect. 16October01 Far better to have a glorious life than a glorious death. 15October01 Do you ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 14October01 Why is there no alternative to the word "thesaurus"? 13October01 You know things are getting serious when you have lots of "old" friends. 12October01 The two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know. 11October01 The Irish Army surrounded a department store in Dublin after acting on a tip off that Bed Linen was on the second floor. The next day they raided the ground floor looking for Bin Liners. 10October01 I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. 9October01 If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. 8October01 Most of today's problems are caused because none of us care enough. 7October01 A man who can admit he is wrong is usually being told so by his wife. 6October01 History is what the government of the day wants you to believe really happened. 5October01 Man goes into pub and sees Van Gough sitting at bar. "Can I buy you a drink?" asks man. "No thanks", says Van Hough, "I've got one 'ere". 4October01 I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. 3October01 Instant solutions often only last an instant. 2October01 Pride comes before a fool. 1October01 "Meditation" is taking an aspirin when I have a bad cold. 30September01 I am a great believer in DIY. When my wife asks me to do something, I say "Do it yourself!" 29September01 If something needs instructions, then it is probably too complicated for most users! 28September01 Even the world's cleverest man is probably stupid to his children! 27September01 A wise man checks all he is told by seeing for himself. 26September01 Tell someone they made a good profit and they won't query it. Tell someone they have made any loss and they will check every figure. 25September01 'Fastest Finger First' question on Irish "Who Wants to be a Millionaire." Put the following into alphabetical order: A -"a", B -"b",C -"c",D -"d". 24September01 Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the engineers are German, the administrators are Swiss and the lovers are Italian. Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are British, the engineers are Italian, the administrators are French and the lovers are Swiss. 23September01 A Wise Man can see more from the bottom of a well than a Fool can see from the top of a mountain. 22September01 Famous last words: What happens if you touch these two wires togeth--ahhhhhhhhhh!!!! 21September01 The more you say, the less others listen.

20September01 In the 1950's, the radio programme "Life with the Lyons" featured Bebe Daniels, who always told her age as "32". I could never see the joke, as 32 was really old to me. Now my daughter is 31, I think it even less funny!!!!! 19September01 Of course I'm in shape. Isn't "Round" a shape? 18September01 Why is anybody driving slower than you an idiot, and anyone driving faster than you a maniac? 17September01 When you get exactly what you want in life, make sure you don't throw it away. 16September01 Revenge is sweet, but spite is sour. 15September01 Don't get mad, get even. 14September01 It takes the destruction of the forest fire to release the new seed of the Redwood tree. 13September01 In life's bleakest hours there is hope for a better future. 12September01 If you show sympathy you care. If you have empathy you feel. 11September01 The evil that men do lives after them. (Shakespeare) Some dates are etched in history due to their notoriety. 10September01 It's better to stand for something than to fall for anything. 9September01 How can you be alone with somebody? 8September01 We You all make mistakes. 7September01 The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you have it made. 6September01 The greater the success, the higher the disappointment that follows. The smaller the success the higher the disappointment at the time! 5September01 Once you accept that life ain't fair, then it becomes much more liveable. 4September01 There are those who talk a lot and those who do a lot. 3September01 A friend in need ....... probably wants to borrow money! 2September01 Murray Walker: "It's 8 minutes past the hour here at Spa, well it's 8 minutes past the hour all over the world, but it's a different hour here at Spa." 1September01 "So far, so good" as the man said as he fell down the well. 31August01 Just when you are about to give up, something happens to make you glad you didn't. 30August01 It is never too late to be what you might have been. 29August01 If the enemy is within range ....so are you! 28August01 People are never too busy to tell you all that they have to do. 27August01 A hot air balloon crashed into electric pylons in France yesterday, killing all six occupants. That is really spooky...... 26August01 If you fell out of a balloon at 1/3rd mile high it would take you exactly 10 seconds to hit the ground, by which time you would be travelling at 218 mph. On the other hand, people have died falling out of bed. 25August01 A paper on factors associated with deaths and injuries from hot-air balloon crashes says that "In univariate analysis, collision with the ground was the most significant predictor of fatality or serious injury ." Well, fancy that! 24August01 23August01 It's a fact. My pal Phil, who has just been given a hot air balloon flight as a present for his 50th birthday. will have read yesterday's "thought" and now be wetting himself (or similar). [And very few aircraft have died in hot air balloon crashes.] 22August01 It's a fact. More people have died in hot air balloon crashes than aircraft over the past 100 years. 21August01 Those who have everything appreciate nothing. 20August01 If I'm boring you, chances are it's mutual. 19August01 There is more praying to God to get out of the mess, than thanking him for keeping out of it. 18August01 Luck is something others have acquired that you deserve. 17August01 Beware the red mists of anger, as they obscure all reason. 16August01 A good idea is the one you thought of, whereas the brilliant idea was mine. 15August01 Today is yesterday's future and so far the future is promising. 14August01 There are two kinds of people. Those who always finish what they have started and 13August01 It is comforting to know every letter you send to your adversary's solicitor costs him money! 12August01 Love thine enemy - but only after you have got even! 11August01 Only listen to your critic if he can do it better than you, or if she is your wife. 10August01 Listen carefully to advice given - then do the opposite! 9August01 I always say if you have a complaint, then go and see a doctor. 8August01 All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. 7August01 An option left open is a remaining opportunity. 6August01 We all wish to live for ever, but no-one wants to grow old. 5August01 He who jumps into the water first is likely to be the first eaten by the sharks. 4August01 With your efforts and my genius, we cannot fail to succeed. 3August01 Our grandchildren are wonderful - we should have had them first. 2August01 If life is a journey, it is on ice. Some slip, slide and fall all over the place, others just skate through it. 1August01 The most difficult thing is to sell at the right price. Too low and you denigrate the product - too high and nobody buys. TO VIEW PREVIOUS THOUGHTS........ Go to "Previous Today's thought"