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Older Today's thought

10August00

Your first child you nurture, worry and fuss about. Your second child you neglect.

9August00

If Bill Gates had a dollar for every time his Windows programs crash, he would be one of the richest men on earth.

8August00

If you like yourself you have a friend for life!

7August00

Treat every day as if it is your last, then one day you'll be right!

6August00

Opportunities in life are given, success is earned.

5August00

If you feel fed up, consider when you last felt prolonged hunger.

4August00

Whoever said "You can't judge a book by it's cover" hadn't seen a copy of Playboy Magazine!

3August00

Don't be late twice on the same day - always leave work five minutes early!

2August00

Few can climb the mountain without pushing someone else off.

1August00

Those with the smallest purses usually have the biggest hearts.

31July00

Whoever said "Two can live as cheaply as one" obviously had not met my wife.

30July00

Spend half your life chasing fame and you'll spend the other half hiding from it.

29July00

Get some grandchildren. They make you realise that your own life has been worthwhile after all and that through them you have immortality!

28July00

If you expect thanks and gratitude, then you have not truly given.

27July00

Can someone tell me - is sterility hereditary?

26July00

Be nice to your kids, as they will choose which old people's home you stay in!

25July00

Perfection is something that women expect to find in a man, but never can! So they try to change the man they have.

24July00

Motivation (3) - Often, all you need to do to motivate someone is to stop de-motivating him.

23July00

Motivation (2) - Self-motivation is the purest means of improvement.

22July00

Motivation (1) - Praise and thanks are the best forms of motivation and the least used.

21July00

If you give your child love, nothing else matters.

20July00

People are happy to pay for advice, but hate to get it for free.

19July00

The harder I work, the richer the boss gets.

18July00

The harder I try, the luckier I get.

17July00

He who laughs last has no sense of humour and didn't get the joke.

16July00

There are people I don't like, so why get upset if someone doesn't like me?

15July00

The things you worry about never happen, so why worry? It's the unexpected that brings disaster. So ok, I worry about the unexpected!

14July00

Irene at work mentioned the Chairman's daughter had borrowed £5 from her several weeks previously and then a further £1 for lunch and not paid it back. I gave her the drawing on the left and told her to leave it on her desk. If she was asked what the drawing was she could reply "That's the sick squid you borrowed from me and haven't yet repaid."

13July00

Self esteem is the highest level of achievement.

12July00

Dull people have immaculate homes.

11July00

In adversity true friends identify themselves.

10July00

Never do today what you can put off 'till tomorrow.

9July00

They say you can't do enough for a good boss - most people don't.

8July00

A good conversationalist is someone who listens.

7July00

If I was related to Tony Blair, it would drive me to drink! (Blair's 16 year old son found paralytic in street. Poor kid, we've all been there! Well actually I haven't!)

6July00

Of those who tell you they went to the University of Life, few have gained a Degree in any subject!

5July00

Crime in the UK is now worse than in the USA. Except you are six times more likely to get murdered in America. Guess where I feel safest?

4July00

I like hard work - I could watch it all day!

3July00

Hard work never killed anyone .... but why risk it?

2July00

How come that great ideas always seem mediocre by the following day?

1July00

They say that a woman's work is never done. If she got on with it and stopped talking all the time it would be!

30June00

Those who make the least mistakes often do less of the work!

29June00

The man who frequently gives advice seldom takes it.

28June00

Yesterday the seven year old son of a work colleague swallowed a 5 pence coin and was taken to the local hospital and left in overnight for observation. This morning his mother telephoned the hospital to enquire about her son's health and was told "no change".

27June00

Experience is something that by the time you have it you've already messed up!

26June00

At Glastonbury Festival 2000 there were "official" people with orange jackets walking along collecting tickets from cars in the queues waiting to get in. They were then selling them further down the line to people without tickets!

25June00

At a wedding reception a couple of years ago John mentioned he had been married 30 years. He was asked what sort of anniversary stone that was and replied "a mill stone."

24June00

Serious thought. Re yesterday's news on Gary Graham from Texas..... www.lifelines.org

23June00

If all the world's politicians were laid end to end, would it stop spinning?

22June00

An optimist is someone who sees a glass as half full, whereas a pessimist sees it as half empty. The realist knows the glass is half empty, unless it is in the process of being filled! The opportunist and the alcoholic drink what is left in the glass.

21June00

Happiness is being content with what you have. (This does not apply if you are starving!)

20June00

England out of Euro 2000. Does it matter? Not in the least. Can someone please explain why with only a population of some 50 millions, the English Press expect our sportsmen to win everything we enter.

19June00

Now that David Beckham has helped England beat Germany, resulting in their continued progress in Euro 2000, the English Press are saying he is "the best thing since sliced bread".

Is that "thick sliced bread?"

 

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